I Can Wait

"I can't wait!"

​That's what you say when you have something exciting coming up, right? When you have an adventure planned and people ask you, "Aren't you so excited for your trip?". I mean, what other response could you have?  ​Of  course you're excited, you're going on a freaking ADVENTURE! But what if you're me, and you don't know when you'll be back? What if you may not be back, even to visit, for at least a year? Then how are you supposed to feel? Excited? Absolutely. Nervous? Maybe. Preemptively poor? Probably. But what if I can wait? What if I want to relish each and every day I have left here at home before I go, and each day seems to pass  by faster than the last? The thing is, this isn't just a trip. It's not a vacation with a finite number of days between me and a return trip to reality. This is me uprooting my whole life to do something I've wanted to do since.. ever. I'm not running away from my problems, I'm not in search of a new beginning or looking for a place where my reputation doesn't precede me. I love my life. Truly, in every possible way someone can be blessed, I am. I adore my family, my mom and sisters are my best friends and my dad has my back no matter what. I have a wonderful job with amazing coworkers. My boyfriend (although very far away) is absolutely incredible. My best friends live five minutes away (thank God) and five thousand miles away (but she and I are used to that) respectively. I wake up every day thankful to live the life I do. So why the hell am I leaving the comfort of my own home? 

Because I have to. But that's because I am a walking conundrum in that when I am home I miss being abroad and when I'm abroad I miss being home. Actually, "miss" is an inadequate expression of the literal pain I feel when I'm away from one or the other for too long, but you get the idea. The thing is, if you spend your life counting the days till your next exciting adventure, you'll miss out on all the extraordinary moments in between. So when my mom asks me to help  me make dinner, I go gladly and we dance to our favorite songs while we laugh in the kitchen. When my youngest sister asks to sleep with me in my bed because she's going to miss me so much when I'm gone, I tell her we should have sleepovers every night so we get as much time together as possible. When my dad wants to talk about the problems his motorcycle is causing or the new stand-up comedian he found the other day, I pull up a chair and we talk. When my middle sister is having a rough night and just wants to chat, I drop what I'm doing and we talk for hours. When my best friend asks if I'm free to hang out, I make sure whatever plans I have can include him (if they didn't already). Because despite how incredibly excited I am to go live with my wonderful boyfriend in Germany and backpack Southeast Asia and get my masters and make thousands of memories between now and then, I am also so grateful for today. And tomorrow. And for every day between now and when I leave in a mere 37 days. 

So yes, I can wait. Because every day is a new adventure, and I don't plan on letting a single one go to waste.